Smile for the Camera
The first time I toyed with a telemarketer, I answered a call that interrupted my meal. I was annoyed anyway at the intrusion of an unsolicited call. The male voice on the phone identified himself as representing a local photography studio He was calling to offer a special package of pictures.
“Don’t bother,” I said. “We’re not very photogenic,” I hung up before he could say anything further. up and going back to my dinner.
Is there anything more annoying than getting a phone call from a telemarketer. You’re ready to tuck into that juicy crock potted roast and the phone rings. Against your better judgment, you answer to find it is one more telemarketer wanting a minute of your time to offer you an exciting opportunity or to inform you that your computer is sending disturbing messages to the technology center.
Telemarketing is an annoyance, a nuisance, a “pain in the neck,” or “a thorn in the flesh” of the consuming public. Pick your cliché or add some new ones.
Of course the best way to avoid telemarketers is to be on the Federal Do Not Call List. A similar way is to tell the telemarketers to have you put on their company’s Do No Call List. However, if you have time and chutzpah you can have some cheap fun with the poor telemarketer on the other end of the line. I have on a few occasions. Let me share some of my experiences.
Not long after that a basement water-proofing company began calling. I hung up on them several times before I decided to make it difficult for them to get their spiel said. The caller began by telling me that they had been talking to people in my area about water in their basements. The presentation made it sound as though people in my neighborhood were calling the company to complain about water rising in their basements.
I told the marketer that I was not interested in his company’s services. I knew I did not have a leaky basement. I actually had a very nice basement. The calls kept coming and were becoming more annoying each time. I had one more idea.
The next time I answered the phone the voice mentioned water in my basement, I “panicked” “WATER IN MY BASEMENT! Oh no, Abner get the baby out of the house we got WATER IN THE BASEMENT.”
“Ma’am. Ma’am.” I could hear the voice on the line saying. “Ma’am calm down. It’s not like water rising. We’re talking about damp basement walls.”
“They certainly are damn basement walls if they are letting water in. Thanks for warning me. You said all my neighbors were having water, too?”
“I said DAMP. Ma’am, you are not in any danger.”
“You’re right about that. We’re getting out of here right now. I got to go find the cat.” Then I hung up. I had to laugh at my own cleverness.
What Do You Do For Fun?
My favorite call was from a man who said he was conducting a survey on what people do in their leisure time. “We were having sex,” was my reply to his survey.
“What?” He seemed incredulous that anyone would answer with what must have seemed to him a rather personal reply. He had to wonder whether I was telling the truth.
“Sex,” I repeated. “We were in the act of sex, making love, marital duty. Whatever you want to call it.”
There was quiet on the line for a few seconds. Then I heard muffled giggles on the other end of the line as HE hung up on me.
AH that was indeed a satisfying exchange.